The Summer Reading Timeline of Your Teenager

May 28th
You print out the Summer Reading List three weeks before school gets out vowing to make sure that, number one, your kids have picked a book from the list and, number two, you have the book in hand before the end of the school year. This will ensure that your kids get a jump on their summer reading early and you don’t run into cramming right before Labor Day.

June 11th
You and your child argue over the choice of books based on what you think they should read, what your child has heard is the “easiest” book to read, and what Grandma might already have a copy of. You completely ignore the fact that no matter what book is chosen, it will fulfill the requirement of summer reading and neglect to consider that the reason there is a list in the first place is because there cannot be a “wrong” choice.

June 28th
School is out and not only do you not have the book in hand, you’re still arguing about which book your child will read.

4th of July
While attending a cookout with other parents of middle and high schoolers in your town, you confidently discuss which book your child will be reading this summer in an effort to bury the anxiety you feel because it’s three weeks into summer vacation and your child has no book.

July 8th
You and your child finally decide on a book and discover it has been checked out of every library in the state.

July 10th
Contemplate downloading the book onto the Kindle you got your child for Christmas six years ago that has been used for nothing but games and a couple of movies you downloaded for that drive to Ohio a few years back. After agonizing over whether or not having your child read a book on a Kindle goes against the “limited screen time” rule you set for him the first week of summer vacation but haven’t upheld, you decide against it.

July 15th
Bored at work, you search for a hardcopy of the book on Amazon and find an assortment of “new” and “used” offerings tempting you with “Prime” shipping and fast delivery. But since you keep forgetting to bring your recyclable bags to the grocery store with you, you abandon your shopping cart, telling yourself that your going to support an independent local book store instead. This is somehow supposed to make you feel better about your contribution to society in lieu of your reliance on plastic bags.

July 24th
You realize that it’s really fucking hard to find an independent local book store.

July 29th
At the start of vacation week on the lake, it occurs to you that this is probably a good time for your child to get some summer reading done and guess what? This small tourist town actually has a local independent book store! Unfortunately, they do not have the book you’re looking for for your child...but they could have it for you by the middle of next week if you want to special order it.

August 1st
You hope that your child’s visit with his older cousins, who appear to have navigated middle and high school with ease and seem to continue to achieve great things in college, will inspire him to tackle his summer reading book with a new found excitement for educational excellence. Unfortunately that backfires when the elder cousins, not hip to your ploy, don’t hold back when they confess, “Oh, summer reading was the worst!”. Even though they share your child’s disdain for summer reading, they still turned out ok, but you doubt your own child will turn out ok if summer reading is not completed.

August 3rd
You locate the book at what appears to be the last existing Barnes & Noble on the planet. While not being able to support an actual “independent local book store”, you still feel pretty good about supporting a brick and mortar retailer where you interact with actual people. You also leave with a rediscovered love for books and all things non-digitized and plan to make the pilgrimage to the book store a weekly activity. That never happens.

August 6th
Trying to work in some "summer math", you have your child calculate how many pages he needs to read per day in order to finish the book by the start of the year. 83 pages per day seems completely feasible to you even though, over the past two years, you’ve never spent longer than 15 minutes reading anything other than your Facebook feed.

August 19th
Ask your child for an update on what page he is currently on in the book and express a great deal of displeasure that he’s not farther along.

August 23rd 
Lay in bed with your child reading chapters six through 13 aloud to him in an effort to get this fucking book finished by the start of the school year.

August 24th
Search Netflix, Amazon Prime, and YouTube to see if there’s an obscure film adaptation of the book you were unaware of that may help summarize the plot just in case this book isn’t finished by the end of summer.

August 28th
Praises of Hallelujah are sung throughout the house as your child announces he has finally finished the book. While he admits that the book “wasn’t actually that bad,” he make it a point to mention how much he hates reading and that this is the reason why he doesn’t like school. While you share the same thoughts in your own mind, you keep those to yourself.

August 29th
As the new school year gets underway, you vow to print out the list of books for next year's summer reading assignment before the end of the school year and have the book in hand before the last day of school.