From the Surfside

A full week after the initial release of progressive-psychedelic-art hard rock band Tool’s new album, “Fear Inoculum” - a release fans have been waiting patiently for for 13 years since their previous studio-recorded offering - lifelong Tool fan, Steve Mahoney, finally gets his chance to listen to it after a painstaking wait of an additional week from when he purchased the album last Friday. When asked why he had to wait, Mahoney, a Weymouth, MA, native, explained it was important to get the full “experience” on the initial listen. “Well, when I went to buy the album, I didn’t know it was going to cost $45. So after shelling out what was pretty much all of my paycheck for the CD, I didn’t have enough left over to buy any weed.” Mahoney, who works part-time at 7-Eleven, had to wait until today to pick up this week’s paycheck to meet up with his dealer and purchase the eighth ounce of marijuana he needed in order to complete the experience of enjoying the first new Tool music ...

What the hell is this? It looks like Staples took a big shit on our living room floor. As if the end of summer blues that come along with Labor Day weren’t enough, we’re simultaneously launched into the chaotic ritual of hunting and gathering school supplies for the start of the new school year. And for those of us who started school prior to Labor Day, we have the benefit of the long weekend on our side to take our time getting school supplies together which, just like the timeline for summer reading on the last day of school, seems like an eternity. At least one might think. Yet here we are at 6:30 pm on Labor Day, my wife and I clamoring to find things like scientific calculators and pro-tractors. And by the way, nothing diminishes my child’s confidence in me as a parent or the value of my liberal arts college degree quite like the moment he tells me he needs a protractor for math and I respond with, “That’s one of those plastic, half-circle things, right?” And what o...

Can you believe it? It’s the 5,986th day “back to work” for this lil’ guy. Man, how they grow up. Mom and dad sure are proud. New outfit on your 5,986th day? Not quite. In fact, this is a shirt I wear about once a week and secretly wonder if my coworkers notice that I wear the same shirt that often. Actually, it hasn’t been washed since the last two times I’ve worn it and since I’m too lazy to break out the iron, I just threw it in the dryer with a sheet of Bounce this morning to freshen it up. But I’m raring to go. Unfortunately, no brand-spankin’-new Trapper Keeper to compliment this back-to-work-look today either. In fact, I’m still sluggin’ away with the same company-issued laptop I was given seven years ago that takes a good 15 minutes to start up every day and barely carries enough battery charge to last through any meeting that goes longer than 42 minutes. “Don’t mind me, not peeking up your skirt Lisa, just need to get under the conference table here to plug i...