From the Surfside

  We recently installed a bidet in our bathroom. Now, I have to admit, even as a person who is content to live with just about anything no matter what condition it's in, I thought there were other appliance upgrades and changes we would have made to the house before a bidet made an appearance. You know, converting the electric stove to gas, replacing the 15-year-old microwave with the broken handle so I don't have to keep adding superglue every six months, or maybe even ductless AC. But as the contented one, when Jenn suggests we replace something or get a new "something," I typically shrug, yank the handle of the microwave, and look for the superglue. Jenn carries the heavy burden of acquiring upgrades in our home. I'm more like Schneider or Bookman, here to fix and install. So after speaking to some friends and hearing about the life-changing effects of life beyond toilet paper, Jenn wanted to give it a go. And it turns out, with modern advances in the toilet se...

Sometimes I feel like a jackass in a restaurant or bar for overpaying for beers, wine, and mixed drinks. When you think about how bad you're getting pantsed in these places for something they sell at a fraction of the price at a store, it doesn't add up. But it also doesn't matter. Because they've got you. And people will pay. And what's worse is that at a sporting event or concert venue, knowing they have you trapped inside, these places notch it up a level as if to challenge attendees by saying, "what are you going to do...not drink?" and ask for twice as much as the bar you felt was already robbing you. But then I take my family out for ice cream. And all of that is wiped away. Not because of the joy of going out for ice cream, but because it's almost worse. Seriously. What the hell? Each time we go out for ice cream, I extend the age I think I might be able to retire by a month. According to Wikipedia, "ice cream is a colloidal emulsion made w...

  Author's note: If you’re easily offended, slightly prudish, or believe potty humor has no place in this world, don’t read any further. For those who continue, I apologize in advance. I grew up watching a lot of Benny Hill.  On our 17th wedding anniversary this year, Jenn, our two boys, and I spent the day enjoying one of our favorite activities, an outing to Marconi Beach in Wellfleet. This is something we typically do multiple times each summer. So, while it’s not a new experience or a once-in-a-lifetime moment, these times are special because it’s becoming harder to pull off as frequently with kids getting older and their obligations and activities eating up a lot of summer weekends in July and August. Plus, the fact that the date of our anniversary landed on a Saturday this year notched it up a level A newer part of our routine this year is ordering sandwiches on the way from a little sandwich shop in Wellfleet center. I’ll spare them the humiliation of being associated ...